this website was incredible for me. i remember feeling immersed in artistic ideas, i was getting so good at writing, and everyone around me was either already incredible or incredibly gifted and moving upwards with me. i was 15 i think, and angry with the world the way everyone was at that age and it felt great to be able to be interesting, original, informed and feeling smart and creative with other people doing the same thing. i made some really good friends who could have intelligent conversations with me about life and art and things that i was really interested in i thought i couldn't get anywhere else. i would write things that meant something for me and found it meant something for others too.

somewhere we all lost the patience. eventually if it wasn't coming through a visual channel, no one would pay attention. people seemed to forget to read. it's just more immediate when you have a picture, and that's just how people are sometimes. everyone that used to watch me hasn't produced anything art related in a while or has in fact left. i usually only get journals from people who treat it like a daily blog about life. i never left and i don't know why. i guess i never shut off, the way the artistic part of the brain does with so many people at that age during that time. now i feel like if i were to start writing on this page they would go completely unnoticed the way they do on my other page, waxanimalparts. i think my writing and artistic intuition/maturity has gotten much stronger, i'm writing more powerfully than i ever have before, and no one is noticing. is art changing or is it that our patience is fleeting?

i'm 19 now, and can almost see that i'm probably getting simply too old for a lot of the things i used to love. i met these 15 and 16 year old kids at guitar center and started feeling really nostalgic: they were playing this really 90's shoegaze math rock type of riffs, feeling like they were doing something no one had ever done, when my first band actually sounded a lot like what they were doing. but that's not the point. the point is that i saw their flare, their excitement, like they were hanging of a cliff into something amazing, and they just had to keep pushing themselves to free fall into it, and remembered that that was almost 5 years ago for me now. i never used to think about tomorrow, like in my mind being 15 was the last age i'd ever hit. i'm still so young, but i can't help but feel like everything that this site has to offer me has expired sometime when i was in high school.

i'm not leaving, but it would be nice if somebody out there had any form of reassurance; that people would read a poem if i wrote it and pay attention to what i'm trying to convey, or do the way so many people do for visual art sometimes. if someone could say that art isn't flying away and people still have patience and something like that, maybe i'll put my work up more. if not, i'll still keep the page up thinking maybe someone will stumble across it.

thanks for reading
joey